i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
