Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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