We're facebook friends in real life
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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