dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
