I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
