she was so not down for the gang bang
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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