just survived the first fart of the relationship.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry my hands just texted you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
