so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
