discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
