You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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