To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
