I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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