Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
