Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just pee around me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
