Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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