it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
