I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need to calm my uterus...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
