New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She bit a glass in half.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
