I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
