Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love having hate sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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