I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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