So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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