Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
