I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
