I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
