you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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