i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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