Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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