I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
