Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
