I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
