Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is Oprah even human
I think people are normalizing furries
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
