Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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