My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
