The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
