I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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