You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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