I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
