It's like God shit irony all over that family
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
