Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
