I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
