Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
