Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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