If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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