On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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