of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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