Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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