ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
