I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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