I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
