How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
