If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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