ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
