Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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