I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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